“Sin taxes” focus on activities that are considered by polite society to be undesirable and/or harmful. They’re imposed to discourage the activity, and consequently limit the harm caused by the activity. When citizens are forced to pay sin taxes, they, as a group, typically engage in the targeted behavior less often.  For this reason, we have long imposed sin taxes on alcohol, gambling and tobacco.

In the age of the Interwebs, I hereby nominate a newer activity that is highly undesirable and causes great human suffering. I speak, of course, of warm weather Facebook photos and posts.

You know what I’m talking about. Those gorgeous families perpetually promoting their endless vacations to balmy locations. Those bronzed boasters photographing their grotesque toes wiggling contentedly in the foreground of an idyllic beach. Those smug snowbirds constantly reminding you that they have ample time and money to spend the winter months engaged in poolside bingo marathons. Worst of all, those Minnesota expatriates who provide constant updates about the temperature differential between their old and new home states.  Traitors!

I don’t mind telling you, it hurts man.  It hurts a lot.  From the moment Minnesota winters begin in September until they end in July, most Minnesotans are the target of this adult brand of cyber bullying several times per day.  Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down.

Think I’m over-reacting? Well, I’ll have you know that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) plagues millions of citizens in northern states, causing us to stare catatonically into  full-spectrum lights, binge on Vitamin D supplements, huff ionized air, and go bankrupt buying  crap from garden, golf and fishing catalogs that we can only use a few weeks out of the year.  You think that’s fun?

And the worst part?  None of it even remotely makes us feel any better.  Meanwhile, oh look, here is another half dozen adorable little Facebook photos of your so-called “friends” on Gilligan’s effing Island to remind you of the charms of the latest polar vortex. Isn’t that PRECIOUS?

So I say, if you can’t beat ‘em, tax ‘em. Athletes get penalized for taunting. School kids get penalized for bullying. Employees get penalized for harassment. So citizens should have to pay a tax penalty of, say, $1,000 for every Facebook tropical taunt, to offset the serious pain and suffering they are causing.

Will the Tropical Taunting Tax stop the abuse? Nope.  You can’t legislate morality, and these immoral bastards will stop at nothing to promote their tans.

But maybe the Tropical Taunting Tax will slightly limit the damage done by serial taunters.  Maybe the revenue raised can be used to subsidize SAD therapies for victims.

If nothing else, the new tax will give frozen Facebookers something snarky to say in comment threats.  And goodness knows, that would improve my mental health more than any full-spectrum light ever could.

Note:  The wind chill is minus 35 degrees in the SAD author’s hometown today.