Guest post by Noel Holston

As we know, thanks to the leak that hit front pages like a Russian missile, the U.S. Supreme Court’s carefully cultivated conservative majority almost certainly will strike down Roe v. Wade later this year, throwing decisions about the legality of abortion back to the 50 states.

Especially if you live in state where virtually all abortions will be banned, it’s time to start thinking about what can be done to equalize the personal liberty that is being taken away from women.

Given that men are responsible for upwards of 99% of unwanted pregnancies, it’s only fair that guys should be required to step up.

Call it what you will — turnabout is fair play or equal justice under the law – but one answer is penis licensing.

Abortion foes should insist that all males over the age of 15 should be required to register immediately as potential procreators. Boys can will tested for reproductive ability as they approach puberty. Once they’ve come of age, they’ll have to register as well.

The penile equivalent of concealed carry will be legal. But a guy removing his willy from his pants for sexual purposes will need to show his license to his prospective female partner, known in blue states and cities as a woman, in red zones as a vessel. He’ll also need to get his female partner’s written consent and have his sperm card stamped and notarized.

Neighbors, relatives and wingmen will be able to collect monetary rewards for reporting penile misuse that results in an unwanted pregnancy. Convicted violators will be subject to fines for first offenses, jail terms for subsequent offenses. There will be no procreative equivalent of capital punishment, however. We are an enlightened society. Exceptions will be granted to men who undergo certified voluntary vasectomy.

What’s oppressive for the goose may be just as oppressive for the gander, but at least we would avoid a hypocritical double standard.

Note: Noel Holston is a freelance writer who lives in Athens, Georgia. He regularly shares his insights and wit at Wry Wing Politics. He’s also a contributing essayist to Medium.com, TVWorthWatching.com, and other websites. He previously wrote about television and radio at Newsday (200-2005) and, as a crosstown counterpart to the Pioneer Press’s Brian Lambert, at the Star Tribune  (1986-2000).  He’s the author of “Life After Deaf: My Misadventures in Hearing Loss and Recovery,” by Skyhorse.