Yesterday the Strib ran a feature piece all about … tipping. Why? Because tipping, i.e. the time-tested, normally fuss-less procedure of leaving the waitress/bartender/whoever a couple bucks has gotten absurdly complicated. And I know, because only a couple days before the story appeared, The Lovely Mrs and I ran up against exactly what the piece was getting at … to the point I had to have, mmm, a little chat with the manager.

(Okay, I didn’t have to but I did, because I’m one of those guys.)

The setting was Young Joni in funky Nordeast, a favorite joint of ours, although it had been a year, since our previous anniversary date night, that we had been in. If you’re not familiar with it, the chow is excellent. I’m a sucker for anything laid on top of creme fraiche and Young Joni has found a dozen ways to work creme fraiche into everything from sweet potatoes (Korean, to be precise) and pizzas (designer variety.)

The place has been around for a few years now and it’s still popular, meaning that the only way you drop in and expect to eat within an hour is by cozying up to the bar. And even that often requires a wait.

Like everything else, we noticed that menu prices had jumped a good 20-25% since our last visit. (I blame Joe Biden.) But, you know, what the hell, it’s our anniversary and not that big of a deal. But … 

… down at the bottom of the menu was the fine-print verbiage you see in the photo above.

“A 21% surcharge is added to each order and controlled by the restaurant to support better wages for our entire team. It is not distributed as a gratuity for service, pursuant to Minnesota Statute Section 177.23, subdivision 9.”

Hmmmm. We wanted drinks and dinner, but first we were going have to call our attorney? (“Dear, do we have an attorney?”)  … to decipher … a restaurant menu?

“Controlled by the restaurant”, “to support better wages”, “for our entire team”, “… not distributed as a gratuity”, “pursuant to … .” WTF?

Having what I would charitably describe as a D+ legal mind, what all that translated to, on first reading was, “We’re automatically adding 21% to everything you see on the menu above … and then, because it’s not a gratuity, you can decide for yourself to leave an actual, you know, tip, amounting to 15-20% depending on how pleased you were with your waitress. Or, in other words doofus, add 36-40% to that Rickey you ordered and whatever entrees come afterward.”

This 21% business isn’t new, but neither is it anywhere close to universal. You see it some places, while others ignore it, despite being officially “persuant … “. (The Strib story said they were looking at it because it’s a growing, um, annoyance.)

Not wanting to flip the switch and go full Lewis Black before dinner, I took a chill pill and enjoyed my dining experience …  and … waited … coiled and ready to strike.

As I say, the chow is good at Young Joni. I had something called a “La Parisienne” pizza (with creme fraiche) and the aforementioned Rickey. (In truth, the pizza was very good, but the $15-plus 36-40% Rickey was basically just Club Soda with ice; tasteless and lacking even a hint of booze, as best I could tell.) The LM had a couple glasses of wine and a more basic pizza. All good.

Anyway … with dinner over and the check in front of me … it was time to go to war.

I waved the manager down, and asked as politely as an enraged fire ant could, what exactly this 21% business mumbo jumbo actually means, and why it is not “distributed as a gratuity?”

Being a pro, the young manager went into an obviously well-practiced spiel about how the 21% helps pay the dishwashers and various other scullery types (not her words) who don’t get the big money waitresses and bartenders get.

[Begin paraphrasing of ensuing dialogue].

Me:  Uh, huh. Right. But then we’re dropping the usual tip on our waitress, right? So … 36-40%?

Her: Oh, no. The 21% is the gratuity, just, you know, automated to guarantee income for the support staff. 

So … there’s no expectation that we tip the waitress?

You can if you choose, but it isn’t necessary.

(To myself)“Necessary”. Hmmm.

Me: Well, if I weren’t the tedious dork I’m proud of being, and I was just nice, sweet Grandma Millie in with her girlfriends to celebrate her 85th birthday, I’m kinda thinking I’d believe it was, you know, “necessary” to drop another 15-20% on my waitress. And if Millie had knocked back four Rickeys she’d be looking at a pretty serious tab. Wouldn’t it be … clearer … if after the “guaranteeing income for the support staff” business the menu fine print said, “The 21% is your tip. Nothing more is expected from you, our treasured guest.”

Well, I guess maybe it could be clearer, yes.

Ok, thank you. Everything was great. (I lied. The Rickey was tasteless.)

The Strib story brushes past the most obvious rejoinder to this “persuant” state Statute 21% sur-charge yadda yadda.

Namely, if you, the restaurant owner,  want to insure adequate wages for your staff … pay them more, and raise your prices. If that means the La Parisienne pizza jumps another 20-25% in price, so be it. When we can that damn Biden and get Ron DeSantis in the White House all prices everywhere will reset to medieval levels anyway and everything will be great again.

In other words, the Minnesota restaurant industry would be smart to dump the legalistic, mumbo jumbo menu fine print and concede their costs, rather than preying on the confusion of a (guessing here) fat percentage of their clientele who won’t be a dick like me and ask, but will instead pay 36-40% on top of their bill.

And speaking of dicks, here’s my 21%, put some booze in the damn Rickey.